


if it isn’t love (why do i feel this way)

by kyro_james



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: A little angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, im not sorry, kara in a tux is everything, navigating an old/new friendship, post season 5/potential season 6 i guess, there’s nothing platonic about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 12:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30122820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyro_james/pseuds/kyro_james
Summary: Kara opens the latch on the window but takes a moment to look back at a lazily stretching Lena Luthor tangled in her purple sheets, looking too much like a morning after than an innocent sleepover amongst friends. Lena quite deliberately pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as she smiles at the unmoving hero a few feet away. Kara’s mouth goes dry, her head light and fuzzy.Rao she’s so beautiful.AKA In post Lex Luthor world, Kara struggles to figure out how she really feels about Lena and how Lena maybe, possibly feels about her.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 45
Kudos: 578





	if it isn’t love (why do i feel this way)

**Author's Note:**

> wazzup y’all. i wrote this as an exercise on some writer’s block for my current WIP but i like how it turned out so i decided to post it. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> *title taken from “if it isn’t love” by new edition

Kara doesn’t lie to Lena anymore, not since the first lie she ever told snowballed until it became a devastating avalanche that buried their seemingly perfect friendship under metres thick ice. She doesn’t ever want to fall into that trap again, never wants to cause Lena any pain. She wants to be better, _do_ better. So no, Kara doesn’t lie anymore. 

Not…not _really_. 

Are there certain little details that she breezes over? Absolutely. But that’s just because she knows Lena worries about her, senses it in the way Lena is constantly making various upgrades to her super suit, sometimes without Kara even knowing it. So she fibs, a little white lie between friends. She doesn’t want Lena to earn any premature grey hairs due to her incessant need to dive headfirst into every fight, most times without a plan, much to Alex’s chagrin.

She’s not sure how much any of those downplaying statements put Lena’s mind at ease but the CEO ever graciously accepts them, leans in close enough to whisper _be safe Supergirl_. Kara likes that, the gentle brush of Lena’s breath across her warm skin. 

And there’s other lies, harmless ones that she sometimes lets out before she can think better of it. Things like _I only had like one large meat lover pizza_ when in reality the number is closer to three. Plus wings. Plus garlic knots. She’s not sure why her tongue insists on telling that particular lie. Lena’s been acutely aware of Kara’s monstrous appetite even while she was in the dark about Kara’s physiology. 

(In fact, Lena had accepted Kara’s weakly fumbled _I have a really high metabolism_ without another word as she made a mental note to ensure that she ordered more food whenever she had plans with Kara). 

And when Lena cooks—a very infrequent but magical occurrence—she cooks enough for an army barracks and is sure to provide several glass containers for Kara’s leftovers. She’ll smile softly at the endearing sight of Kara shovelling forkfuls of fettuccine into her mouth as she mumbles around the food _Lena, you are the best chef ever!_

Lena lies too, Kara realizes, as innocently as Kara herself does. Lies that include gems like _I had an omelette this morning_ when really all she had was three cups of black coffee, no sugar, the real tragedy of this story. Others like _I won’t stay late tonight_ when both her and Kara know she has every intention of staying late because she just can’t help herself. But like Lena, Kara just nods and smiles and lets Lena know that she’s present and waiting. She reiterates these points with surprise kale salads and chicken Caesar wraps and offers to escort Lena home at almost eleven at night. 

And they both fall into that routine, so naturally that the lies become easier to ignore. They both do their parts accordingly, send texts throughout the day, set aside time on Fridays and the weekend that’s just _Kara and Lena time._

The only thing is, Kara can’t help feeling that perhaps there’s one more secret she’s maybe keeping from her best friend.

Getting to where they are now was not an easy endeavour. It takes what feels like an eternity for them to reconcile their relationship, for them to accept that they need to start again rather than pick up where they abruptly left off. 

It starts with them teaming up to stop Lex, a period filled with bickering, glaring and general dysfunction, to take the first, unsteady step toward something bordering civil, adult communication. The biggest obstacle being of course their equally stubborn nature and fear of being vulnerable. The last time they had laid bare to one another proved to be a exercise in failure. 

So, keeping each other at arm’s length, cooperating solely to bring down the true villain of the story, had been the focus for three months following Lena’s unexpected arrival at Kara’s front door. Kara’s first instinct then is to pull Lena into a bone-crushing hug, throwing the past completely out of the window, to indulge in the addictive presence of Lena once more.

But then she remembers Myriad and the kryptonite and the working with Lex over her and those initial, overwhelming desires die as quickly as they had risen in her chest, leaving her with a cold and detached resolve. 

It’s easier to be angry now, closed off and distant even as Lena bares her battered soul to Kara, even as Kara aches to wrap Lena into the safety and warmth of her arms and never let go. But Kara resists, rebelling against every steel fibre of her being demanding that she go to Lena. 

So instead, she chooses to stand there in a tortured, agonizing silence, blue eyes never meeting green.

About a month later things do not improve by much. Their interactions are limited, strictly business. Lena only speaks when she has new information to share and even then, most of it is directed to Brainy or Alex, as if Kara isn’t even in the room. Kara knows it’s her fault, she started it of course by purposefully addressing things to Alex that she should really be saying to Lena. 

Alex does a much better job of getting along with Lena, often finding herself the unwilling participant in a game of telephone whenever the irritated CEO and offended Kryptonian refuse to speak directly to each other. 

Kara can’t explain it, or rather doesn’t want to, this feeling of utter dread she feels whenever she’s around Lena, how she can barely contain the things she’s never been brave enough to give voice to. How she simply cannot stop thinking about that dark-haired beauty and all the ways she screwed any chances she had with her.

Their ongoing strife does not prevent Lena from chiming in whenever Kara is on mission to offer support, but only when it is absolutely imperative. So Kara will hear things like _I’ve added a modified radiation scanner to your suit to detect kryptonite_ and _you’ll need to repair the building’s base column to prevent it from collapsing_ and she’ll find herself unable to control the way her heart murmurs in response to Lena’s CEO voice, soft but firm in her ear.

To their credits, Kara manages to not question the instructions given and Lena manages to keep most of the righteous indignation out of her voice. In rare cases when the situation demanded it, Lena joins Kara in the field, working to defuse a bomb retrofitted with alien tech or save Supergirl from her own harmful obstinacy. 

Once Lena’s said her piece, the only voices Kara hears are Alex and Brainy’s and Kara’s stomach drops in an almost nauseating way every time. 

When she returns to the Tower, she mumbles out an awkward _Thanks Lena_ to an unresponsive CEO, gaze stubbornly trained on a tightly clutched tablet. On other days, Lena’s already out the door, despite insistence on staying by Alex and J’onn. She knows when she’s not welcomed, it’s nothing new, and Kara feels a different kind of ache. 

After ninety-eight days of a strained and reluctant partnership, Lena finally tracks Lex down to a defunct C.A.D.M.U.S bunker. Lex and Kara square off, snarling at each other like two lions fighting for dominance and territory. 

Lex knows exactly which buttons to press, throwing around malicious remarks about Lena and her failed project to trigger the already seething Kryptonian. He doesn’t spare a glance to the super friends, only periodically looking at Lena to ensure she’s watching the exchange. 

It isn’t until Alex and Brainy appear with a Phantom Zone projector does Kara loosen her grip. She looks over at Lena—who nods in approval—before she tosses the screaming madman into his new prison. 

After that, things with Lena become more complicated, hard as that may be to believe. They don’t see each other as much, at all really, and even though Lena technically owns the DEO now, she’s hardly ever there. Kara knows she’s the reason why despite Lena’s protests that Alex—newly reinstated as Director—is more than capable of running things. 

All true of course but Kara doesn’t buy it. She doesn’t push it either, having no right to, not when all she did these past few months was argue and brood and question everything Lena said or did. Who wants to be around that? 

So Kara says nothing more about it, even as the desire to be around Lena again makes it harder to think, harder to breathe. Harder to _live_. She craves those impromptu visits to Lena’s office, bag of burgers wafting in the air to lure the overworked CEO from her desk. She’ll do anything now for that, even if it’s in the uncomfortable silence that seems to plague their every interaction. 

This continues for about a month until a seemingly easy takedown of a hulking alien ends with poison overtaking Kara’s usually invulnerable system, bringing her to her knees outside the DEO.

Lena comes at first notice, half-sprinting out of a packed board meeting with just a glance Jess has come to interpret as _clear my schedule for the next few days_. She works tirelessly alongside Brainy for an antidote, using samples J’onn recovered from the scrimmage, massaging the sleep from her tired eyes, shrugging off Alex’s concern. 

She leaves the lab only twice. The first time, she enters the med bay with all the caution of a child checking the closet for monsters. With a series of unsure steps, she closes the distance to the Kryptonian lying under several sun lamps as the poison steadily works to kill her. 

Lena takes Kara’s hand in hers, pressing a light kiss to the discoloured skin. “Hang in there, Kara. Please,” she whispers before she leaves as suddenly as she had appeared. 

The second time is thirty-six hours later to administer the experimental antidote. Once Kara’s blue eyes flutter open and her vital signs prove to be normal, Lena excuses herself from the impending Danvers sister hug out. 

That’s when Kara reaches out, her fingers curling around Lena’s fragile wrist like a branding iron. Lena shudders at the touch but doesn’t pull away, eyebrows arched in question and confusion, eyes daring to be hopeful for the first time in months. Alex, not needing to be told, exits quietly. 

Kara offers Lena a shy smile. “Thank you.” She doesn’t need the full story to know she owes Lena her life. Lena’s here after all, despite everything. She’s always here whenever Kara needs her.

Lena smiles faintly. “You’re welcome.” 

“You look tired,” Kara says, noting the dark circles and bags under her eyes. 

“Happens to us humans when we go without sleep for nearly three days.”

Kara cringes. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be. It was worth it.” Kara can’t stop her smile from widening. Even though Lena is decidedly not at her best, shoulders sagged with fatigue, eyes glassy and red, hair dishevelled, her immaculate business attire exchanged for DEO sweats and a poly blend T-shirt—Kara still thinks she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. 

“I started going to therapy,” Lena says, rather suddenly. She brings a hand up to the crew neck of the T-shirt, pulling at it absently. 

Kara’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “ _Really?_ ”

“Well, try not to sound so shocked.”

“No I’m not it’s just—I know how private a person you are.”

Lena shrugs indifferently. “I am but Kelly and I started talking and it was really helpful. Freeing almost. So I started sessions, twice a week with a colleague Kelly recommended.”

“That’s great, Lena. Really great.” 

“Yea. My um…my therapist is actually the one who suggested that I stay away from you for a while.” 

“Oh.” Kara’s heart clenches painfully, an incessant and ravenous throb against her ribs. Is she really that bad for Lena’s mental health?

“But I don’t want to anymore,” Lena murmurs, green eyes meet blue for what feels like the first time in ages. The moment is heavy, burdened by the weight of betrayal and heartbreak threatening to crush them. “It’s too exhausting.” 

“I don’t want you to either.” 

“So…what do we do?” 

Kara props up on the cot. “I don’t know. Maybe…maybe we talk? Like _really_ talk.” 

Lena nods. “Okay. Just—just not today. I need some sleep.” 

“Right of course. Tomorrow then?” Kara can’t keep the hope out of her voice. She doesn’t want to try, doesn’t want to walk around pretending that Lena isn’t the centre of her universe. 

“Tomorrow,” Lena agrees. “Not too early though.” 

“Got it. You should go. Sleep well Lena.”

“You too, Supergirl.” There’s no acid to the word, no bite in her tone. For once, Lena says it with a smile that’s almost teasing. Kara watches her go before falling back on the cot, drifting back to sleep to the lullaby of Lena’s heartbeat

It’s not instantaneous, not the way their initial friendship unfolded. This time is gradual, tentative. It starts the way it’s been struggling to all these months, with the kind of communication and genuine understanding that took absence in the beginning.

Lena talks about her past trauma, explains how Kara’s secret made her feel as though she never knew her at all, how she couldn’t understand why Kara would trust her with her life time and time again but not with her identity, how she still has difficulty consolidating her thoughts of Kara Danvers and Supergirl into one person. 

She cries too, mostly over the mistakes she made under the influence of pain and loneliness, the devious plots and the ways she succumbed to the infamous Luthor hubris.

Kara speaks when it’s her turn, apologizes once again for striking the first blow that rocked the very foundation of their relationship, explains how Lena’s own manipulations and vindictive retaliation hurt, her fear of losing the people she loves. How it paralyzes her. How it still does. 

And they follow this rhythm for weeks, spend hours discussing, answering questions as honestly as they can without judgment. 

Sometimes it’s over scones Kara flies in from Dublin as Lena opens up about Lex and how she wishes their relationship was more like Alex and Kara’s. Sometimes it’s with a paint brush in Kara’s hand and Lena sitting cross-legged on the couch, intently observing every stroke as Kara recreates a picture of the view from her room on Argo. Sometimes it’s in Lena’s sunroom, listening to the stories of her mother as they tend to the herb garden they had started together a year ago.

The pain doesn’t disappear but it’s no longer the stabbing kind or the kind that feels like constant kryptonite exposure. It’s numb, a dull reminder of the past and the mistakes not to make again. 

Texts, the _how’s your day_ kind develop after the first talk. Soon, Kara and Lena’s long dead text chain is flooding with pictures of puppies and kittens and other nonsense throughout the day. 

Eventually Kara summons the courage to request a lunch date. She sits by her desk, worrying her bottom lip as she waits impatiently for Lena to reply. She nearly jumps out of her skin when she sees _Lena is typing_ at the bottom of the screen before it disappears and with it, the little bit of hope that had been building in Kara’s heart. It’s reborn tenfold when Lena responds ten minutes later with not only a _yes I’d love that_ but with an invite to add the aforementioned lunch date into her personal calendar. Her _chalk full of important board meetings and tours of the R &D labs_ calendar. The calendar that only _Jess_ is allowed to alter.

Kara’s contemplative over her choice, trying to maximize her time with Lena. She settles on the upcoming Thursday and types it in with a heart, revelling in the familiarity of it all.

Kara shows up at Lena’s office for their lunch date with plumerias and a nervous smile and a box from Cinnabon—a peace offering for Jess who diligently guarded her boss’s office from Kara’s unwelcome visits. 

Did friends bring friends flowers on a platonic lunch date? Maybe. Would they fly all the way to Hawaii to handpick them in the cool morning drizzle? Also maybe. Honestly, Kara hasn’t quite figured out how to navigate the unchartered territory of their mended relationship. How to act around Lena now without scaring her away.

“Kara hey,” Lena says, rounding the corner of her desk. “Lunch will be here in a few minutes. I got our order from Golden Palace.” Kara doesn’t really hear anything beyond the sound of her name, one that Lena purposefully avoided for over a year. Now she says it the way she used to, with a slight but noticeable inflection and love in her eyes and Kara’s heart has suddenly migrated to her throat, blood rushing to her cheeks, jaw hanging loose stupidly.

 _Oh Rao_.

Lena’s smartly dressed in one of her corporate takeover power suits—a solid navy pin-stripe with a black dress shirt, first three buttons left undone, slacks hugging her hips—hair tied back in a high ponytail, lips painted a seductive red, stunning green eyes intensely focused on Kara’s reddening face. 

“Kara?” Lena’s voice sounds almost muddled, Kara’s certain she’s drowning. “Kara?”

The blonde jerks out of her thoughts and scrambles to say something coherent. “Hi Lena,” she murmurs, dropping her laser-focused gaze to the floor as she pushes the small vase of flowers towards Lena. “I-I-I got these. For…for you.” Kara does the mental equivalent of an eye roll at herself. _Obviously the flowers are for her!_

“I know they’re your favourite so.” She looks up in time as Lena accepts the vase with a smile that does _nothing_ to calm Kara’s racing heart. 

“Thank you darling, they’re lovely.” The term of endearment falls from Lena’s lips so unexpectedly, so naturally. It’s new and Kara’s already hooked. A professional rap on the door signals the arrival of their food. They talk as they eat, Lena’s coffee table overflowing with the containers of food necessary to quell a Kryptonian appetite. The topics are light, banter quickly ensuing, teasing to follow. 

They talk like they used to and for a moment, it’s as though their year of separation never occurred. It all falls into place so seamlessly, like the way winter transitions into spring. 

Things get better with the super friends too. Alex and Lena text again, Lena and Brainy team up at the DEO, standing side by side at the command centre to offer technical guidance to Supergirl. It does wonders for Kara’s confidence on missions when she hears Lena’s—just _Lena’s_ —voice in her ear. Lena goes to yoga classes with Kelly, swaps books with Nia, talks J’onn through upgrades to his Bioship. 

Everything is like it was before, even better in some ways now that Lena knows the truth. It makes Kara’s heart ache to know that she could’ve had this years ago had she told Lena the truth, that she could’ve spared them all the drama had she been brave enough to be truly vulnerable. If she had been willing to share Lena with Supergirl. 

Lena doesn’t understand at first when Kara grumbles out the confession during movie night. Her feet are in Kara’s lap, the blonde’s skillful hands massaging away the fatigue of wearing heels all day. “Aren’t you and Supergirl the same person?” she asks, confusion laced with amusement.

“Yes but it’s different,” Kara says, still looking at the antics of an animated bunny and fox on Lena’s flatscreen. Lena doesn’t pry as Kara takes several minutes to continue. “Supergirl, she’s…she’s what I can do and I don’t think of myself as her, y’know? When I think about myself, about who I am, it’s just _Kara_ and that’s all I had to be around you and it was nice. You made me feel…normal. Human. I swear sometimes that the world only started to make sense when I met you.” Kara shifts her position nervously on the genuine leather of Lena’s couch, remembering distantly how her complaints that the previous one was _too stiff for cuddle time_ led to a new one in its place the very next day. 

“ _You_ , smart, brilliant, powerful CEO of L-Corp, thought that Kara—trying to figure out what to do with her life _Kara Danvers_ —was worthy of your time. You…you helped me realize that I should become a reporter did I ever tell you that?” Lena shakes her head slowly. “Oh well, you did. And you gave me chances to interview you even though I had no idea what I was doing. You took me seriously at a time when no one else would.” 

Lena’s fidgeting hands are in her lap, covered by her sleeves in an adorable way that turns Kara to mush every time. Her curious eyes never drop from Kara’s.

“You said to me once that Kara Danvers was your hero.” Kara smiles wistfully, she always does now whenever she thinks about that moment in Lena’s office. It was a turning point for them, one that made Kara realize just how much she sorely lacked this type of human connection in her life. That she didn’t need powers to be someone’s hero. “I…I can’t tell you how much that meant to me, Lena. How scared I was of losing that.” Kara ducks her head, a bitter voice in the back of her mind whispering that she had in fact lost the very thing she tried to hold onto for so long. That she had lost Lena. 

She swallows hard. “Does…does that make sense?” 

“Yea,” Lena says immediately, smiling in that soft, reassuring way that betrays the icy controlled demeanour she portrays with the rest of the world. Kara melts like butter on a hot skillet, her brain promptly short circuiting when Lena shuffles across the couch and leans into her. It takes Kara a moment to fully engage and wrap her arms around Lena in a warm embrace. 

“You won’t lose me, I’m not going anywhere,” Lena continues, voice barely above a whisper against the pulse on Kara’s throat but Kara hears the promise clear as day. “And for the record, though Supergirl and I _are friends_ , _Kara Zor-El_ will always be my favourite.”

Kara’s heart does several cartwheels. There’s few things better than hearing her true name form around the tongue of Lena Luthor. 

Game night, a staple in the Danvers household had taken on a much more somber tone after Kara and Lena’s falling out (or breakup as referred to by Alex). Though no one had dared to mention it, it was impossible not to notice the giant Lena Luthor shaped space left vacant on Kara’s couch, the way Alex struggled with the bottles of burgundy she usually devoured with Lena, the way Brainy’s eyes would land on that painfully empty spot seeking support for his mathematical approach to _Exploding Kittens_. 

It was akin to walking around broken glass barefooted. 

Though Lena had spent time with the super friends individually, tonight is the first group event. Kara had cleared it with Lena several weeks ago, checking in many times leading up to ensure that Lena was still okay with it. 

Alex, Kelly, Nia and Brainy are already settled in Kara’s living room making small talk. Kara’s stationed in the kitchen, making obvious glances at the door every few seconds like clockwork. She could of course simply quiet her mind and hone in on the familiar sound of Lena’s heart, something she does all the time, to determine the CEO’s location but she doesn’t. Instead she stands there, rocking on the balls of her feet, fingers sinking into the butcher’s block. 

“You okay?” Kara jumps, heart pounding out of her chest at the unexpected presence of her sister on the other side of the kitchen island. She’s always been rather easy to startle, despite the super senses, given how distracted she can get. Especially when it comes to a certain brunette….

“Mm-hmm,” Kara nods slowly, eyes fixated on the door. 

Alex cocks her head, following Kara’s gaze. After another three seconds, she puts it all together. “She will show up Kar.”

“I know,” she sighs, eyes shifting for a moment to look over at her sister. “It’s just…it’s….”

Alex nods in understanding. “Look, you and Lena have come a long way these past six months. Like really long. You don’t fight anymore—and can I just take a moment to say how grateful I am about that? You guys have gone through hell and you still found your way back to each other. Not a lot of people do. Don’t take that lightly.” 

Kara nods. “Thanks Alex.” 

Then there’s a knock, light in its hesitation and nervousness. Kara bounds towards the door, barely stopping herself from barrelling right through.

It’s indescribable, this feeling swelling up in her heart when she opens the door and finds a casually dressed Lena gripping a cloth shopping bag in one hand and balancing a box of cookies from an Italian bakery Kara adores in the other. She’s smiling, jade eyes bold but a little shy as she locks gazes with Kara. 

Kara loses all thought at the sight of Lena in black fitted jeans and a baby blue sweater hanging loose from her body. She looks so _soft_ in that Mongolian wool, like a plush toy or the world’s comfiest blanket. She’s not wearing any makeup, her usual red lipstick swapped out for a faint pink gloss. 

She’s _stunning_ and Kara can’t _breathe_.

Kara doesn’t realize how much she’s gawking until Lena clears her throat. 

“Are you going to let me in or do I have to stand here all night?” Lena asks jokingly, a small smile tugging at her lips. 

“Oh!” Kara exclaims, still struggling to regain her motor skills, wincing at how unnecessarily loud that was. “Right, sorry! I—come in!” She moves to the side and ushers Lena in, taking the shopping bag from her and resting it on the island. Using super-speed, she unpacks the contents, wine—red and white—unhealthy carb-loaded snacks, lentil crackers and of course Kara’s favourite ice cream. Kara screams excitedly as she places everything on the coffee table and the ice cream in the freezer for later. 

Lena just watches with that soft, fond smile typically reserved for Kara, perfectly at ease with the Kryptonian using her powers so freely. It was hard at first, seeing Supergirl movements in Kara Danvers’ clothes, after Kara had spent so much time convincing her that they were separate people. Kara had expected Lena to just automatically accept that they were the same now, demanded it even but slowly realized how unfair that was. So she had dropped it and waited patiently for Lena to accept it on her own terms. 

Lena’s reception is boisterous, lots of _heys_ and _our girl is here_ and Alex slinging an arm over Lena’s shoulder. It’s not overcompensation, Kara realizes that she’s not the only one who sorely missed Lena’s company.

Alex pours out some of the wine, happily declaring over her shoulder to the others, “Lena brought the good stuff.” She pushes a glass towards Lena and takes one over to her girlfriend. Lena curls her fingers around the stem as she follows Kara into the living room, taking her rightful place at Kara’s left flank. Kara shivers when Lena’s knee accidentally bumps her as she stretches across the table to pass the crackers—a crime to food as Kara calls them—over to Kelly. 

Once the usual office gossip and recap of the week’s adventures are out of the way, game night commences with _Heads Up_. Teams are selected in the usual fashion with Lena practically leaping into Kara’s lap. Kara barely contains her glee at Lena’s eagerness, grinning ear to ear like someone who just won the lottery. 

And as Kara and Lena dominate with their superior knowledge of science and pop culture, Kara thinks that this may very well be what people feel when they win the lottery. It’s nice seeing Lena like this, two glasses of red into the night, sticking her tongue out at a swearing Alex, laughing so melodically, resting her head against Kara’s crimson clad shoulder and whispering things like _Brainy has no idea what Lizzie McGuire is, does he_ or _I think your sister might pop a brain vessel if she loses again_ and even _I love having you as my partner_.

It’s that last one that does wonderful and terrible things to Kara’s heart as she hums out her agreement, clutching the beer she’s been nursing all night hard enough that the bottle cracks slightly. No one seems to notice over the noise of Alex challenging Lena to a game of _UNO_. Needless to say, Lena destroys everyone at that game too and Kara couldn’t be prouder. 

“Seriously,” Alex huffs when Lena places down yet another _skip_ card. 

Lena laughs. It strikes through Kara like the light strum of a guitar string. 

“I’m afraid so Director Danvers,” Lena teases with a wink. 

“You’re evil.”

Lena feigns shock. “Didn’t you know? I’m a Luthor.” 

Alex’s mask of annoyance cracks at that and laughter soon erupts from both of them. Seeing her sister and best friend get along so well might just be the best thing ever in Kara’s opinion.

“Yea, yea. I will kick your ass at something one day, Luthor. Just you wait.”

Lena shrugs, unperturbed. “Doubtful but you are welcome to try.” After a few more rounds of Alex unsuccessfully beating Lena, the group switches to _Monopoly_. Alex’s premature victory evaporates when Lena quietly acquires all the property on the board, subsequently bankrupting her friends one by one. 

“Ugh,” Alex growls, throwing up her hands dramatically. 

“You put up a good fight, babe,” Kelly coos, rubbing small circles on Alex’s hunched form. Kara doesn’t pay them much mind, too mesmerized by the blush tinting Lena’s cheeks from her full-bellied laughter. Kara’s keen eyes trace the shape and depth of Lena’s hidden dimples, the upward curve of her full lips, the sharp line of her jaw. The distracting freckle mid-way down her slender neck. 

“Kara. Kara!” Alex waves a hand in the Kryptonian’s face. “Did you even hear me?” 

Kara blinks, tilting her head to rid her ears of imaginary water. “What?” 

“I said we’re calling it a night,” Alex says, getting to her feet with Brainy, Nia and Kelly in tow. They each say good night as they exit but Lena stays, just like she did before, to help clean up even though she knows that Kara can sort this all out in a couple of seconds. 

Kara doesn’t however, opting to move at Lena’s pace as they clear wine bottles, glasses and empty snack bowls.

Lena dumps the last bottle in the trash. “I had a great time tonight.”

Kara beams. “I’m so glad you did. I…I really missed you at game night.” _And everything else_. She doesn’t say it but Lena’s hears it anyway.

“I missed you too.” Lena’s looking up at Kara, the absence of her killer Louboutins making the difference in their height more obvious. “A lot.” Her tone is breathy as she inches closer, fingers fiddling with the collar of Kara’s plaid button-down. 

(Lena had a made an off-comment about how she likes Kara in flannel which led to the blonde raiding her closet for said garment to wear tonight).

Kara fumbles for words. “Me—a lot—I too.” Kara would feel more self-conscious about the nonsense she just uttered but then Lena just laughs, that carefree sound that has become Kara’s favourite thing in the world. She doesn’t think she’s ever heard Lena make that beautiful sound, not even before things had gotten so bad between them. Kara can’t help wondering why she’s only hearing it now and just how many more wonders about Lena Luthor is she going to discover on this new journey that they’re on. 

“You’re cute,” Lena says, so casual and light. Kara’s heart feels like it might beat clean out her chest. It’s so loud she’s sure that even Lena’s human ears must be able to hear it in the quiet of the apartment. If she can, she doesn’t acknowledge it. 

“Stay,” Kara blurts out suddenly. Lena pulls back slightly but doesn’t remove her hand.

“What?”

“The night. I—um—would like it if you stayed the night.” Kara’s sure her face is as red as the sun Krypton once orbited. It’s not the first time Kara threw the offer of staying over to Lena but that was before. Things were different now, the tapestry of their friendship woven together with stronger thread but still new with untested boundaries. 

“If—uh—only if you want,” she quickly adds, being sure to cover all bases. She doesn’t want Lena to feel pressured into anything, not after she forced her to lower her protective walls only to wound her in the worst way imaginable. 

“Sure, that sounds great actually.”

“Really?” Kara grins, wide and untamed. 

Lena laughs. “Yes.” 

Kara swoops Lena off her feet and into an enthusiastic hug. Lena squeals excitedly as Kara twirls them around, taking care not to jostle her favourite human too much. She leaves Lena to perform her nightly routine in the bathroom, lending her some sleep shorts and her MIT sweatshirt that Kara had appropriated a few years ago during a sleepover not unlike this one.

“You kept it,” Lena says, astounded as she takes the offered sleepwear. 

A knit forms between Kara’s eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t I?” 

Lena shrugs. “Things were…bad between us…I…I guess.” She pauses, searching for the words. “I guess I didn’t think you’d want to keep anything around that reminds you of… _me_.” Lena’s eyes glisten the way they do whenever the dark chapter of their story is brought up. It’s in this moment Kara realizes that no matter how far they distance themselves from it, Lena will never fully let go of guilt. And if she’s honest, she’s not sure she will either. 

“I kept everything,” Kara says with a small smile. “Even that book you gave me after Jeremiah died. Oh, did you want that back?”

Lena shakes her head. “No, you keep it. I—you really kept everything?”

Kara nods vigorously. “Of course. Your sweatshirt, spare charger, coffee mug with the grumpy cat on it—.”

“You could have thrown that out,” Lena says, only half-joking.

Kara laughs. “Nope, you can’t throw out gag gifts. Oh and I even have that fountain pen you lent me during our first official interview. I still can’t believe you let me walk out of your office with it. That thing costs more than my rent.”

“Maybe I just wanted you to use it as an excuse to come running back,” Lena says with a provocative wink that flips Kara’s stomach. 

“You little minx.”

Lena grins predatorily. “Well it worked, didn’t it?” 

“Yes.” Kara’s gaze turns thoughtful. “Did…did you keep my stuff?” 

Lena cringes. “I’m sorry darling, the snacks had to go.” 

Kara’s jaw drops, eyes blown cartoonishly wide. “Lena!”

“What? You do realize they took up a _whole section_ of my pantry right?”

Kara pouts. “That might just be the worst thing you’ve ever done.”

“You’ve set the bar pretty low there, Supergirl.” Lena’s tongue darts out to wet her lips in manner too slow and careful to be anything other than seductive. Kara’s mouth certainly goes dry at the display. “I’m quite naughty.” 

“I….” Kara trails off, brain fried once again. Why is everything suddenly moving in slow motion?

Lena laughs, breaking a grateful Kara out of her trance. “But everything else— the planner you gave me on my first day at CatCo, the NCU sweatshirt I stole, the Christmas cards with cheesy holiday puns. I kept it all. I…I couldn’t possibly bring myself to throw them out. And trust me, there were days when I wanted to set it all ablaze. So I settled for a box and a dark corner of my closet.”

“Understandable.”

“Yea.” They stand there awkwardly for a moment before Lena turns and sequesters herself in the bathroom. Kara changes in her bedroom, frowning when a question pops into her mind. Is Lena going to sleep in the bed? Their first impromptu sleepover had resulted in a light argument over who should take the bed. Kara had been adamant about Lena sleeping in the bed while she exiled herself to the couch. 

(Admittedly, she was a bit self conscious about her discounted cotton sheets, knowing they must pale in comparison to the luxurious silk Lena’s so accustomed to back at her penthouse. But Lena merely hugged Kara’s pillow close and practically dissolved between the sheets, sleeping soundly through the night).

Now Kara’s feeling that familiar trepidation over something that’s occurred many times before. She’s so distracted that she doesn’t even notice Lena emerging from the bathroom, dark hair down from its meticulous bun, eyelids droopy under the weight of the week’s exhaustion. 

“Your turn,” Lena says as she makes her way to the left side of the bed without another word. Kara blinks, a delayed reaction before speeding into the bathroom. Within ten seconds she’s back out and racing under the covers. 

Lena smiles, eyebrow quirked. “Someone’s eager for bed.” 

“What—no! I just—you’re tired so I don’t want to keep you up any longer.” 

“Okay,” Lena yawns as Kara reaches across her nightstand to turn off the light. They settle there in the dark, lying on their backs, looking up at the ceiling. Kara listens intently as Lena’s speeding heart eventually slows to a resting rhythm, signalling her departure to dreamland. 

It’s almost surreal now, being able to listen to Lena’s heartbeat synchronized with hers. It’s a sound she knows as well as Lena’s phone number, one that she listens out for throughout the day, even while they weren’t speaking or were at each other’s throats. 

It’s a sound Kara will listen to every day for the rest of her life.

Kara wakes with sun. It’s always so breathtaking, the golden light of the sun’s first rays streaming into the adjacent window. It makes Kara feel energized, near invincible. But as Kara looks down to the mussed dark hair splayed across her upper body, she realizes that Lena, lying half her body on top of Kara’s, is what’s making her morning feel so incredible. 

Lena’s so soft and warm and adorable. She’s peaceful with the armour she wears everyday set aside in the comfort of Kara’s apartment. Kara stares in reverent awe at the porcelain angel sleeping soundly on her chest, wishing she could live in this moment for the rest of time. She finds her hand resting against the small of Lena’s back, rubbing featherlight circles into the impossibly soft skin left exposed where Lena’s sweatshirt hiked up at some point during the night. 

Kara’s never quite taken liberties like this nor has Lena ever crawled on top of her like a mattress but Kara’s not complaining. With a goofy smile she continues running the pad of her thumb along Lena’s skin. 

After Rao knows how long, Lena rouses from sleep. She pokes her head up at Kara, eyes still hazed from a restful night. Kara’s hand stills on Lena’s back but she doesn’t pull it away, too stunned by the sight of Lena’s pale skin catching in the morning glow. Lena looks ethereal, like a goddess of old bathed in light and goodness. 

“Morning,” she murmurs, eyes lifting to Kara’s. 

“Morning,” Kara chokes out, voice a little higher than it normally is. 

Lena’s eyes widen when the fogginess of sleep lifts and she realizes where she’s currently situated. “Oh shit. Sorry Kara.” She tilts to the side to roll off but Kara’s steel grip tightens instinctively, allowing for no such movement. 

“I….” Kara smiles sheepishly. “I don’t…um…mind, y’know.” 

Lena giggles, burrowing into Kara’s neck and the world is definitively a much better place. The Kryptonian tenses beneath her, making every rippling plain of firm muscle more pronounced. “Is that right, Supergirl?” 

“That’s right, Miss Luthor,” Kara grins as her hand continues rubbing Lena’s bare skin, inching up the dip in Lena’s back slowly. Lena’s breath catches in her throat, her lungs no longer expanding, diaphragm no longer flattening. Kara’s errant fingers trace the shape of Lena’s shoulder blade as she distantly realizes Lena is not wearing bra and it’s just the cotton fabric of that damn MIT sweatshirt and Kara’s sleep tee that’s keeping their breasts from pressing together. 

Is…is that something Kara wants? Does Lena? Wait….

“Lena?” Kara says softly, her exploration coming to a pause when she notices the complete absence of air entering Lena’s lungs and the way her heart pounds against her rib cage like a battering ram. The woman lying so still on top of her doesn’t say anything. 

Oh Rao, has she made Lena uncomfortable?

“Are you okay?” Kara asks, concern layered thick in her voice as she tries to squirm out from underneath Lena. That’s when Lena moves, tucking her face further into Kara’s neck as she finally sucks in a deep, shuddering breath. 

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Kara pulls her hand away but not fast enough for Lena to not catch her at the wrist, an awkward angle given their current position.

“Don’t…don’t move your hand just yet. It feels nice.”

“Oh. Okay.” Never one to deny Lena anything these days, Kara quite happily obliges. Lena sighs deeply, practically purring under Kara’s caresses. 

It feels…right lying here with Lena in the early morn, the skin-to-skin contact making everything more intimate. Connected. Wholesome.

Regrettably, since their reconciliation touches have been…well they’ve been rare. There was a handshake here, an awkward bump there. The first foray into anything even remotely resembling the lingering affections they once had was about two months into their shaky alliance when Kara snatched Lena out of the clutches of danger. She found herself clinging to Lena like a koala, to point of discomfort, whispering things like _I’ve got you, Lena_ and the endearing _you’re safe now, I promise_. 

It was only in those moments did the stain of their mutual betrayals fade into nothing and they both gave into the feelings they refused to otherwise acknowledge. Lena always leaned into the embrace, head tucked under Kara’s chin, arms wrapped tightly around Kara’s waist, giving comfort as much as receiving it. 

But this… _this_ is something completely different, something that even pre-reveal Kara and Lena never did. It isn’t to say that Kara’s never wanted to, she is a tactile person by nature, dishing out hugs to anyone who wants it. From the moment they first met Kara had this inexplicable, almost manic desire to be around Lena, refusing to be deterred by the other woman’s tenuous resolve to maintain a professional relationship. 

For some unfathomable reason, Kara wanted to get to know her and to have herself known in return. When the hugs started—following the initial stiltedness—Kara ascended to some better plain of existence, hardly able to contain her strength as she pressed herself into Lena. 

She’s always enjoyed the softness and warmth of Lena’s smooth skin, always desperate to experience its silky feel under her own. She needed to be touching Lena always and luckily for her, Lena seemed to feel the same.

That’s when her phone rings, her _Supergirl_ phone. With an apologetic smile, Kara reaches across her nightstand, struggling not to crush it in irritation at the disruption. “Yes?” she snaps, glowering up at the ceiling.

“Bank robbery downtown,” Alex says, the winded breaks in her voice indicating that she’s currently running down a DEO hallway. “Perps have alien technology.” 

Kara tries to keep the exasperation out of her voice. “I’ll be right there.” Lena scoots off of Kara instantly much to the Kryptonian’s displeasure. “Sorry.”

Lena shakes her head. “Don’t apologize for being a hero, Kara. Now go before Alex sends an entire unit here to drag you out.” 

“Right,” Kara laughs, knowing full well it’s not too far out the realm of possibility. She clicks an imperceptible button on her glasses frame that materializes her suit, one of the changes Lena made after Kara kept accidentally removing her glasses too quickly for non-Supergirl stuff. She’s also added the feature to several other pairs that Kara keeps around her apartment and at CatCo. 

Kara opens the latch on the window but takes a moment to look back at a lazily stretching Lena Luthor tangled in her purple sheets, looking too much like a morning after than an innocent sleepover amongst friends. Lena quite deliberately pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as she smiles at the unmoving hero a few feet away. Kara’s mouth goes dry, her head light and fuzzy. 

_Rao she’s so beautiful_. 

“Up, up and away, Supergirl,” Lena laughs, breaking Kara out of her thoughts. The Kryptonian unfreezes, laughing in return. It’s still so unbelievable at times that she has this, has Lena in her life, supporting her in every way that counts. 

“My um…my spare key is in the bowl near the door if you need to leave,” Kara tells her. “But—like you’re more than welcome to stay. If…ah…if you want.” Lena hums noncommittally before the bumbling hero takes off through the window and into the sky. 

A robbery followed by an overturned oil tanker and an alien brawl steals away most of Kara’s morning. When she finally lands with a thud at the DEO, she takes the moment of relative calm to check her personal phone. 

_Lena <3 [8:19am]: Hey, I actually have to go to L-Corp to look over some new contracts. You can come by for your key whenever you’re done saving the day. _

Kara frowns. She was hoping to return home to find Lena dancing around the kitchen making brunch while blasting _It’s Gonna Be Me_ (this has actually happened before and Kara has been dying for a repeat). Maybe she should find out if Lena’s finished work and they can salvage the rest of the day. There’s that new sushi bar Lena’s mentioned a few times or that Italian place with all-you-can-eat pasta they went to for Alex’s birthday two years ago. 

(Kara broke several records that night and earned a photo on the wall of fame, face smeared with marinara sauce, Lena’s arms around Kara and Sam in a tight embrace, Alex rolling her eyes in the background at the display. Life was simpler back then).

“Supergirl. Supergirl. Hey!” 

Kara blinks rapidly when two fingers abruptly snap in front of her, shivering as though she was just doused with ice water. Alex is wearing her signature _what-the-fuck-is-up-with-you_ face.

“Hello. Earth to Supergirl.”

“Hmm?” 

Alex tugs Kara into a nearby conference room and disables the surveillance cameras. After the whole Haley debacle and the nightmare of Lex owning the DEO, Alex was being much more cautious about Kara’s identity. 

“Is everything okay?” Alex asks, looking over Kara for any visible signs of injury. 

Kara nods dumbly. “Mm-hmm.” 

Alex narrows her eyes. “Uh huh. Is that why you punched that K’Hund through an entire building? Thanks for the mountain of paperwork associated with your little wrestling match by the way.”

“Sorry but…I—he kind of deserved it!” 

“Okay, I know when you’d rather be somewhere else, Kar. So tell me, where would that be?” She stops Kara with a finger, shaking her head. “Actually, I don’t need you to answer.” A mischievous smile breaks across her face, the kind that foretells the onslaught of big sister teasing. “ _So_ ,” Alex drawls, folding her arms across her chest. “Plans with a certain _billionaire?_ ” 

Kara plays dumb. “Well Andrea and I really aren’t _that_ close.”

“ _Lena_ you dummy. You know I meant Lena.”

Kara smirks. 

“So?” Alex presses impatiently. “Do you?” 

“Not…not exactly. I mean she spent the night and I was kind of hoping we’d be able to do something fun today but—.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Alex says, cutting Kara off, gesturing wildly. “You—what, Lena spent the night?!” There’s an inflection to her voice that Kara can’t quite understand.

“…yea,” she answers slowly. “I…I asked and she said yes.” 

Alex looks pensive. “Interesting.”

Kara’s brow furrows in question. “How is that interesting?” 

Alex ignores her. “When I said things are going great between you and Lena I didn’t realize just _how great_ they really are.” There’s something behind Alex’s tone, something Kara can’t decipher but then she remembers, she’s heard it before. At Noonan’s when she first introduced Alex to James, at Mon-El’s first Thanksgiving. When William arrived unprompted at her apartment with an assortment of sweet treats. 

So if she’s using that _I-think-someone-likes-someone_ voice then…then….

 _Oh Rao_.

Kara doesn’t have time to finish that thought as the thundering rhythm of Lena’s heart assaults her eardrums. 

“I have to go.” Alex utters some form of protest but Kara’s long gone, trying not to break the sound barrier as she flies like a bat out of hell towards L-Corp.

Kara scans the building with her X-ray vision as she approaches. Lena’s by her desk, spine rigid as she stares fearlessly down the barrel of a Dessert Eagle aimed between her eyes. 

The click of the chamber releasing a grooved bullet through the barrel sounds like a sonic boom in the graveyard silence of Lena’s office. Kara disrupts the bullet’s destructive path towards Lena’s head, plucking it out of the air between two fingers. In that same breath, she slams the would-be assassin against the wall, uncaring of the distinct crack of the bones in his shoulder. 

“Who sent you?” Kara practically growls as she lifts the man off the floor by a grip of chilled steel to his throat. Who is the bastard brazen enough to keep sending threat after threat even while knowing Lena is under Supergirl’s near-constant protection? It just wasn’t fair. Lena saved this city, this entire world more times than anyone will ever know and it wasn’t out of obligation or penance for the atrocities committed by her family. It’s all Lena, because she is kind-hearted and strong and so deeply invested in making the world a better place. _She_ deserves better than what she’s given.

“Who sent you after Lena Luthor?” Kara’s eyes glow white-hot and furious at the man’s refusal to answer. Without realizing it, Kara’s fingers squeeze more tightly, the sickening crack of his windpipe a distant buzz.

“I don’t know,” he rasps with what little oxygen he has left. “I swear!” 

“Supergirl,” Lena says softly, placing a trembling hand on the hero’s shoulder, green eyes widened in a way that makes Kara feel sick. The build of a solar charge recedes, revealing her usual intense blue-eyed gaze. The tension of her muscles straining against blue spandex finally eases under Lena’s placating touch, like the flip of a switch. Kara shoves the terrified man into the wall, effectively knocking him out. 

She taps the communicator in her ear, the sixth replacement in a month. “Alex. I’m at L-Corp. Yea. Yea. No Lena’s fine but there’s a guy here I’m bringing to you.” She turns fully to Lena and whispers, “I’ll be right back.” Before Lena can blink, Kara slings the assailant over her broad shoulder and flies out the balcony. She dumps him unceremoniously into a DEO containment cell, giving Alex no details as she speeds back to Lena. She finds her perched on the edge of her desk facing the windows.

The swoosh of a red cape startles Lena. “Sorry about that. I…I didn’t mean—.” Kara frowns. “I didn’t scare you, did I?”

Lena doesn’t hesitate. “No, no of course not. Don’t worry about it. I…I should be thanking you. Right on time for my quarterly assassination attempt.”

Kara smiles. “You don’t need to thank me. I will always protect you, Lena.” 

Lena smiles back, beautiful and reserved. “I know.”

“So…why didn’t you call for me?” Kara asks, reaching hands halt in their tracks when she realizes Lena is not wearing the signal watch. Kara feels like she’s been hit by a freight train or something equally as solid as herself. Her stomach pinches in disappointment. “You’re…you’re not wearing it.” 

Lena covers her left wrist, eyes drifting downward to her dangling heels. “It didn’t match my outfit.” She sighs at the weak attempt at humour. “I—The last time I used the watch…it was under false pretences. When I was…manipulating you and I just….” Lena dips forward but her contrite and misty eyes are looking up at Kara now as she worries her bottom lip. Kara’s heart aches, guilt gnawing at her carnivorously . Why does Lena insist on torturing herself?

“You just what?” Kara prods gently, stepping away from the balcony door until she’s just a touch away from Lena, waiting for her to speak.

“I don’t…I don’t feel like I deserve it!” The sudden cry catches them both off guard as the tears rimming Lena’s eyes spill over. “Maybe I never did.” Kara swears she can hear it, the exact moment when the stitches on an old wound start to give. They had both promised not to talk about the past anymore, Lena in particular had insisted on it, but right now, she can’t seem to keep it. 

Kara doesn’t know what words to say to dispel Lena of this ridiculous notion, to show her just how worthy she is of everything Kara can possibly give to her. How much of everything Kara wants to give her. 

So she does the one thing she knows Lena always needs in these moments of self-depreciation and inner conflict. She closes the small gap, slotting between Lena’s legs as she wraps her arms around Lena’s shuddering form. She runs her hands up and down the length of Lena’s back in a soothing motion, filling her lungs with the intoxicating mixture of roses and raspberries and something uniquely Lena. 

Lena slumps forward, the pressure of her weight barely noticed by the Kryptonian cradling her as though she is the most precious thing in the universe. She lets her tears fall onto _El Mayarah_ , lets Kara hum a foreign melody in her ear, lets her walls collapse in the safest place she’s ever known. 

“There’s a reason why I never took the watch back, y’know,” Kara whispers, lips pressed against Lena’s hairline. “It didn’t matter to me how bad things were, how much you hated me or how much we hurt each other. I wanted you to know that you can always call me, that I will always come to you.” She tightens her hold instinctively, muttering a _be gentle_ to herself. “Nothing will ever stop me from coming to you whenever you need me.” 

Lena’s sniffles decrease as she pulls away slightly to look up at Kara. “Thank you, Kara.” 

Kara smiles. “Anytime.” 

A timid request breezes across Kara’s cheek. “Can…can you take me home?”

“Of course.” Strong arms lift Lena carefully, one under the back of her knees and other resting at her waist. It’s not the first time Kara’s held Lena like this but it’s certainly the first time Lena has ever asked, usually too apprehensive about flying. 

(When Kara had asked her about it, Lena’s response was simple. She never had a reason to enjoy it, to accept the lack of control being on the ground offered. Then she had turned to Kara with that breathtaking smile and whispered _until now of course_ ).

“You ready?”

Lena nuzzles into Kara’s shoulder, nodding, “Yes.” Kara floats them towards the balcony, increasing altitude gradually until she clears the railing and takes off. Her pace is slower, mindful of her flight-wary passenger but to Kara’s delight, Lena is not burying her face into Kara’s shoulder, eyes clamped tight, fingers grasping for anything to hold on to. Lena’s _watching_ in fascination as the cityscape surrounding them blurs and Kara suddenly wishes it was night time so she could show Lena the constellations. 

She comes to a gentle stop at Lena’s penthouse balcony, shifting her arms to place Lena on her feet. That’s when Lena tucks herself in further against Kara’s chest, white-knuckled from holding onto Kara’s cape so tightly.

“Lena—.”

“Don’t let me go,” Lena whispers, practically begs. Kara nods as she makes her way to the door. She’s met with some resistance, realizing belatedly that the door is actually locked for once. Of course she could free the door from its track quite effortlessly but settles for nudging Lena’s forehead with her nose. 

Living up to her status of being a technological genius, Lena presses her thumb to the built-in biometric lock. Having a simple house key is much too mundane. Kara carries Lena inside, sinking into the couch. She positions Lena to sit in her lap, still holding her closely. 

Neither one says anything, both content in the comfortable silence of Lena’s living room. Kara’s hand moves of its own accord to the hem of Lena’s blouse, yanking it free from her dress pants. The CEO stills in Kara’s arms but doesn’t object when the Kryptonian’s warm hand rests on her bare skin, thumb brushing over her belly ring. Kara’s touch is as gentle as always, travelling no further than Lena’s midriff. The contact is as electrifying as it was this morning.

“Mmm, you’re so soft, Lena,” Kara murmurs without thinking, her chin resting on Lena’s shoulder. 

Lena relaxes, her body conforming to the solid muscle pressed up behind her. “I’m sure everyone must seem _soft_ to you, Girl of Steel.” Kara can hear the smile in her voice.

“Not like you,” she purrs, lips dangerously close to Lena’s ear, turning up into a smirk at the uptick in Lena’s heart rate. “You’re the _softest_. The _cuddliest_.” She strokes Lena’s skin to prove her point. “It’s so amazing how soft and cuddly you are.” Kara should feel more alarmed at how these words seem to be escaping from her lips without her brain’s permission but Lena hasn’t tried to move, hasn’t formed a protest. It’s giving Kara confidence and maybe…maybe hope. For what though? What does she want with Lena now?

As Lena’s rapid heartbeat fills her ears, as her breath releases from her lungs in a contented sigh, Kara thinks that what she wants with Lena now might be more than what she previously considered. Maybe…maybe friendship isn’t enough, perhaps it’s never been enough to describe what their relationship truly is. Partnership then? Too ambiguous a term. 

Well, whatever it is, she knows she wants it with Lena and only Lena. But what does Lena want?

Following her latest revelation, Kara sets off on a self-assigned mission: determine if Lena maybe, possibly feels the same way Kara does. Shouldn’t be too difficult right? Lena’s easy to read, except when she’s not. Sure Kara knows when yet another misogynistic board member provoked the ire of Lena Luthor, she can tell when Lena’s hungry but too hyper focused on her work to bother, she has even become quite adept at foretelling Lena’s mood swings. 

But the rest of it, the one thing she’s struggling to determine, well that hasn’t been quite so simple. See, it’s always been hard to tell with Lena. After they had gotten over the first hurdle when Kara had instinctively wrapped a still recovering Lena into a bear hug, Lena became increasingly tactile, aching for the physical affections Kara gave willingly. But then Lex lit the fuse of Kara’s hydrogen bomb of a secret that destroyed everything and the ease of contact became strained, painfully so. They had to re-learn how to be around each other again first. 

Since that night however, Lena is bold, _blatant_ even. A hand stretching across the table at a seafood restaurant, fingers carding through golden waves during movie night, a thumb wiping ice cream from the corner of Kara’s mouth and then _licking_ that ice cream off instead of using a napkin. Kara might have fainted from the lack of oxygen reaching her brain as she raptly watches Lena suck rocky road off her thumb in what feels like slow, deliberate motion. Provocative. Lena has her pinned to the spot with a hot and heavy gaze, clearly pleased by the sight of a stupefied Kryptonian. 

But Kara is not an innocent party either in this little game that they’re playing. Often she would hike up Lena’s blouses or sweaters for access to the tender skin of her toned abdomen, once reaching as far as the front clasp of Lena’s bra just to test their clearly undefined boundaries. Lena struggles to breathe, her heart hammering in her chest as Kara’s hand wanders across her midriff but she sounds no objection. Kara even develops the habit of pulling Lena fully into her lap as if there’s no other seat available, thumb rubbing light circles on Lena’s hipbone as they try valiantly to remain focused on the latest animated movie Kara herself wanted to see. 

Their interactions are not limited to the intimate bubble they seem to constantly inhabit. It’s not long before others, namely Alex, begin to notice the excessive touching, the lingering gazes, the teasing affections. The way Kara flexes her muscles more while on mission because she _knows_ Lena is watching. The way Lena wears those damned power-suits exclusively on her days at the DEO because she _knows_ Kara will drool all over the floor. 

But Kara still feels uncertain, doesn’t want to overstep and commit an act she cannot take back. So she continues this tortuous but thrilling game, dancing precariously on the borderline shared by friendship and something more. If this is the only way she’s meant to have Lena, Kara can die happy. 

But even the Girl of Steel has her limits, a certain threshold that she can tolerate before blood boils under her skin and rushes to her ears and the unfortunate object in her hands becomes crushed beyond recognition. Like the oblivious dork that she is, Kara is unable to identify what this chest-tightening emotion is that overcomes her in these moments where she’s barely able to stop herself from doing something that would give away her identity. 

At first she thinks it’s because she’s had one too many shots of Aldebaran rum and under its influence, she’s feeling a bit more protective of Lena than normal. It certainly doesn’t help that Lena’s gorgeous figure is pulling eyeballs like a magnet with every move she makes across the crowded nightclub. It doesn’t help that Lena’s trip to the bar to get their group another round of drinks results in yet another emboldened lecher making unwanted advances. 

Lena can handle herself of course, not even four glasses of scotch can shatter the impeccable Luthor decorum instilled in her by Lillian at an early age. Usually her flock of admirers would cut their losses after she politely declines their pursuit but this man is particularly persistent, shifting closer to Lena when the bartender turns to get drinks. 

Before his large hand can reach the destination of Lena’s shoulder, Kara appears behind her, wrapping a possessive arm around her waist and pulling her flush against a rigid body. Kara’s decidedly and irrationally furious gaze cuts into him as she channels the power of her alter-ego into her stance. The man retracts his hand and squirms uncomfortably under the weighted glare from a ripped blonde with glasses and ponytail growling like a well-trained guard dog. 

“Here you go, Miss Luthor,” the bartender says, placing the drinks on the counter, eyes moving from Kara’s stoney glare to the shrinking man clutching his beer for dear life, assessing the situation before turning to serve other patrons. Lena grabs the drinks a few seconds later and moves off with Kara’s arms shielding her from the intoxicated bodies swaying carelessly to the hip-hop beat. 

Alex throws back a shot, whispering something conspiratorially to Kelly as she eyes Kara’s unyielding grip on Lena’s waist. Kara doesn’t try to hear what is it, too overwhelmed by the sensation of Lena leaning back into her and the aroma of her floral perfume. Lena idly traces the shape of Kara’s knuckles, other hand curled securely around her scotch as she engages in animated conversation with Nia and Brainy. 

Kara chuckles as needed but if she’s being honest, she’s not following the exchange at all. Brainy does appear very invested so it’s probably something science related. After Kelly manages to drag a panicking Alex to the dance floor, Lena shifts in Kara’s arms to whisper, “Wanna dance?” 

Kara stares blankly, the way she did when she first came to earth and didn’t understand the language. Granted since then she’s become quite fluent in English, even started making an effort to learn French and German, two out of the seven other languages Lena speaks. 

Lena chuckles, tapping Kara’s arm for release from steel trap hold. “I’ll take your silence as a yes.” 

Kara smiles. “Fair warning, the last time I danced with a human, I may have broken a few toes.” 

Lena’s eyes widen. “Really? Well, I’m willing to risk it.” She takes Kara’s hand and leads them to the packed dance floor where Kelly and Alex are. Kara gulps, unsure of what to do so she just stares through the haze of alien alcohol at Lena’s sleeveless blouse and the tattoo of a baby elephant on her left shoulder that she had gotten in a moment of drunk spontaneity and teenage rebellion. 

Then Lena turns, pressing her firm ass into the heat between Kara’s thighs. There’s a Rihanna song, which one Kara couldn’t tell anyone once Lena starts gyrating to the sensual beat. Kara’s sure she must look like the biggest idiot on the planet, standing stiff as a plank with a woman as beautiful as Lena grinding her hips onto her. 

But Kara’s just a little slow, shocked even. In all their years of friendship, she’s never seen Lena dance, aside from the obligatory waltzes at her charity galas. This is _Club Lena_ , the Lena Kara’s only heard about in stories of their boarding school days from Andrea or the college days from Sam. 

Eventually Lena turns again, hands locking behind Kara’s neck for support as her hips continue to roll in sync with Rihanna’s vocalizations. But it’s not just the undulating that has Kara hypnotized. 

It’s that emerald gaze, solely trained on Kara like the rest of the world doesn’t even exist. It’s the breathy moans that escape from scarlet lips, the clinging fingers that grasp the strands of blonde hair not secured in the low hanging ponytail. It’s the way Lena stares, a seriousness soaked in heat and something else Kara can’t place. It’s the way Lena’s heart is skipping, the way her milky skin is flush against solid marble. 

Kara grips Lena’s ass, fingers splayed rapaciously as if she wants to be touching every inch of Lena all at once. She pulls Lena closer, her steel body somehow pliant as it moulds in reciprocation to Lena’s expert movement. Her gaze is just as unwavering and hungry, breath falling hot with desire against Lena’s burning skin. It’s just the two of them now and whatever Rihanna song is playing. 

Kara leans in, lips ghosting the tip of Lena’s nose as their foreheads touch. They both stay in that position, panting as though at the end of a marathon. Then a body bumps against Kara’s back, effectively breaking them out the trance with a quickly uttered apology. Lena pulls away, tucking a stray wave of dark hair behind her ear, blush on her cheek that isn’t from dancing. 

They wander back over to their booth with Alex and Kelly before a Supergirl situation arises. For once, Kara’s grateful, needing the chance to clear her head but all she can think of now is Lena’s lips and how badly she wants to know if they’re as soft as they appear.

Kara has a deadline coming up in about twenty-five minutes. More than enough time for her to type up the final draft of her 800 word piece on the new apartment complex the city has developed for its alien citizens, a large chunk of the funding anonymously donated by the eternally generous Lena Luthor. She’s about halfway done when she hears the familiar sound of Lena’s heart calling to her. She’s already smiling, eyes searching for Lena. Her stomach drops when she realizes that Lena isn’t here to see her. 

Lena makes a beeline for Andrea’s vast office, closing the door behind her, doors that were never closed by any of the three Editors-In-Chief that have made the space their second home. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Lena’s hugging Andrea for a full fifteen seconds, hands linger at Andrea’s elbow for an additional five before they sit together on the couch, knees pressed too closely for Kara’s liking. 

With great, Herculean restraint, Kara manages not to eavesdrop on the certainly private conversation the long-time friends are having. If Kara’s being honest with herself, Lena’s relationship with Andrea always made her feel…unpleasant. Andrea was Lena’s first best friend, the one who’s betrayal had led to Lena placing up walls of distrust that Kara had worked to demolish with every sunny smile and timid invitations to lunch and game nights. 

Kara’s glad that Lena and Andrea’s friendship had been mended, she really is, but it still slaps her in the face sometimes when she sees it. Lena’s trips to CatCo used to be to visit Kara, even while Lena was dating James, but now it seems like Kara isn’t even on Lena’s radar at all. Kara’s not sure how to feel about this troubling development. Had their dance at the club been too much? 

“Kara. Hey, Kara!” Nia’s hushed shout jerks Kara out of the rabbit hole she nearly nosedived into. 

“Yea?” she croaks around the large, unmoving boulder in her throat.

“You okay?” Nia asks, eyebrows raised in concern. 

“I’m fine,” she replies quickly, too quickly to be convincing. 

“Is that why you just crushed your phone?”

Kara’s eyes shoot down to the crushed remains of her cell. She doesn’t even remember reaching for it, much less reducing it into a clump of plastic and metal. _Fuck_.

Kara shrugs. “I needed an upgrade anyway.”

“Didn’t Lena give that to you like a month ago?” Kara looks back up at Nia to confirm that the skepticism in her voice is present on her face as well. 

“Yes,” Kara sighs, feeling guilty now. Since Kara kept breaking regular phones either with her tremendous strength or general carelessness, Lena took it upon herself to commission sturdier models that could withstand Kryptonian abuse. This version was holding up pretty well up until now. Up until Lena entered Andrea’s office for twenty minutes now with those damn doors closed. 

That’s when she notices that the doors are open now and Andrea is alone because Lena is walking towards Kara’s desk. Kara scrambles to dump her broken phone into her desk drawer. Wasted effort really as Nia blurts out a tattle tale, “Kara broke her phone again,” before scampering off. 

Lena raises an eyebrow. “Huh. I really though this model would be able to handle your powers.” She frowns. “I have a few more ideas anyway. Perhaps reinforcement with a stronger alloy, one that won’t make the phone too heavy—.” She stops herself, shaking her head. “Not that that really matters for you.” Her gaze turns thoughtful. “Anyway, I wanted to give you this.” Kara slowly takes the envelope from Lena, fingers tracing over the gold-felt letters of her name. 

“What’s this?” Kara asks, voice sounding tighter than she meant. 

Lena doesn’t comment on it. “An invitation to my gala this weekend. I know you’d probably be there to cover it for CatCo but I wanted you to actually go with me so I cleared it with Andrea and J’onn to make sure you can have the night off.” Oh. So that’s why Lena and Andrea were all hushed behind closed doors. Kara feels like a moron now for getting herself all worked up over it. 

Lena’s eyebrows arch upward in alarm, misinterpreting the frown on Kara’s face. “If—like if you don’t mind. Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m now hearing how…presumptuous I must sound. I shouldn’t have—.”

“No, not at all,” Kara says quickly, rising to her full height and rounding the desk to stand besides Lena. “I’d love to go with you.” 

Lena bites her lip and Kara’s knees wobble. “Really?”

“Of course silly. There’s nothing I’d love more.” Well that’s mostly true. 

“Perfect. I will pick you up at six thirty.” 

“Okay.” Lena smiles, the kind that feels like Cupid’s arrows through Kara’s heart, before she turns on her stilettos and walks away. The click of her heels growing distant feels like background noise as Kara’s gaze becomes fixed on the sway of her hips and the way that forest green dress hugs her curves. The disappearance of Lena around the corner breaks the spell and Kara tries, with mediocre success, to meet that deadline with the three minutes she has left. 

Three days before the gala finds Kara in a frenzied panic, various articles of clothing lying on her bed and any other available surface. She exhales sharply, a puff of cold air forming from the unintended freeze breath. Nothing feels right. 

“Kar!” Alex calls, voice muffled by the rustic wood of Kara’s door. 

“It’s open!”

Alex enters the apartment, locking the door behind her. “You should really lock that.”

“ _Pfft_ , I’m Supergirl. And you’re one to talk!”

“ _Pfft_ I’m the Director of the DEO,” Alex says mimicking Kara’s tone. “Plus I’m a certified badass.” She pokes her head into Kara’s bedroom. “Whoa. Did a tornado get into your closet?”

“No. I’m trying to find something to wear to Lena’s gala.”

“You go to those all the time,” Alex points out, clearing a space on the bed foot for her to sit cross legged. 

“Yes but…that’s usually for work. Lena…she asked me to go _with_ her.”

Alex’s jaw falls open. “What? And you’re only _now_ telling me this.” 

“It’s not a big deal,” Kara murmurs.

“Like hell it isn’t,” Alex scoffs, gesturing to the formal wear draped all over the bedroom. She smiles teasingly. “So, a date with Lena, huh?”

Kara’s spine goes rigid. “It’s not a date,” she bites out. “I’m—we’re just.” She sighs, dragging her palm over her face. “ _Ugh_. Can you just help me find an outfit please?”

“Fine. What’s Lena wearing?” 

Kara raises an eyebrow at the question. “I don’t know. A dress? Why?”

“Well, I don’t know how things worked on Krypton, but here on earth, dates tend to match each other.” 

Kara glares. “We’re not calling it a date!”

“You mean _you’re_ not calling it a date,” Alex corrects with a cheeky grin as she pulls out her phone. “I most certainly am.” She speed dials a number.

“What are you—.” 

“Hey Lena,” Alex says, deliberately loud, holding up a finger to silence Kara’s childlike protests. “Oh nothing much. Say, quick question for you. What colour is your dress for the gala? Yea. Okay. Ooh no reason, just general curiosity. Thanks.” She hangs up and looks up triumphantly at Kara. “Her dress is maroon, you’re welcome.” 

Kara’s quick eyes rake over her options. “I still don’t have anything to wear.” 

Alex bounces off her perch. “Let’s go then. I know just the place.” Kara grabs her glasses and ambles out the apartment behind her sister. Thankfully Kara doesn’t have to endure a motorcycle ride, Alex has Kelly’s sedan for the day. They pile into the car and drive to a tailor shop in the heart of National City. Alex greets the owner, Alan—an alien friend of J’onn’s—and introduces Kara. 

Alan gestures to the fitting area and begins taking Kara’s measurements, inquiring what event the suit is for. Once he’s finished, he shows the sisters several fabric samples for the suit and different options for ties and pocket squares. Kara, unable to make a decision, leaves most of it up to Alex, trusting her sister’s judgement better than her own. 

By the time they’re done, Kara’s stomach is growling and she’s practically half-carrying Alex into the pizza joint across the street. 

Five slices of Hawaiian—Lena’s favourite order—later, Kara asks a seemingly random question, “Do you remember when you first came out to me you mentioned your best friend Vicky from high school?” 

Alex dusts her fingers off after dumping her crusts onto Kara’s waiting plate. “Yes. Why?” 

Kara shrugs, wedging another slice into her mouth. “Nothing. I was…I was just wondering how you—like how you knew you… _liked_ …her.” Alex squints her eyes in suspicion but takes a moment to ponder deeply before answering. 

“I didn’t really _know_ ,” Alex says. “It was more like I started feeling things I didn’t feel for any of my other friends. I wanted to spend all my time with her, didn’t like it when she hung out with pretty girls.” Alex sighs. “But I don’t think it really hit me how much I liked her until I lost her.” She leans back in her seat, folding her arms across her chest. “Why are you asking?” The look on Alex’s face is a neon sign screaming that she already has the answer but just wants to hear Kara say it out loud. Maybe Kara needs to. 

“I—I think that maybe…I like Lena,” Kara whispers, blue eyes earnest and scared. “As more than just a friend. I…I think I want _more_.” Kara wasn’t sure what Alex’s reaction would be but she wasn’t expecting an excited squeak and a little tap dance under the table. 

“Oh my God. I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out.”

Kara gapes at her as if she sprouted a second head. “ _What?_ ”

Alex rolls her eyes. “Come on Kar, a blind man could see that you have feelings for Lena.” She grimaces. “Not to mention all the groping.” 

Kara huffs. “I…I don’t _grope_.” 

“ _Right_ ,” Alex drawls, settling in a business-like posture. “So, I’m guessing you haven’t told Lena yet.” 

“No. I’m…I’m not sure if I should.”

“Why not?” 

Kara shrugs, gaze drifting down to her plate filled with half-eaten cheese-stuffed crusts. She picks at one absentmindedly. 

“Do you want to be with her?”

“Yes,” Kara answers immediately. There really is nothing she wants more. She wants to be the one waking up next to Lena, serving her breakfast in bed on lazy Sunday mornings, holding her hand as they stroll down the boardwalk, comforting her when she’s sick or having a bad day, ensuring that Lena knows just how amazing she is in a world that constantly tries to tell her otherwise. She wants to be _everything_ for Lena. 

“Then you should definitely tell her,” Alex says encouragingly. 

Kara shakes her head. “The last time I told Lena something about me it—.”

Alex cuts her off. “Okay first of all? That doesn’t count and it was completely different. I know that you haven’t had the easiest time when it comes to romance and that you’re trying _so hard_ not to mess things up with Lena again. But you owe it to yourself as much as Lena to let her know how you really feel. Lena makes you happy, Kara, I know that she does and that is _exactly_ what you deserve.”

Is it? Kara’s not too sure. After everything her lies put Lena through, how could she even think about asking for more? 

“What if she doesn’t feel the same?” Her voice is pained, mirrored in her darkened eyes. 

“Is that a serious question?” Alex scoffs.

“Alex,” Kara whines. “Yes it’s serious.”

“Kara, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” She glances down at her watch. “Oh fuck. We gotta go, I’m supposed to pick up Kelly.” Kara nods, swiftly devouring the remainder of her pizza before dashing out the door with Alex. 

A tall blonde in a navy tuxedo and maroon dress shirt stands in front of a full-length mirror, putting on Jeremiah’s cuff links, foregoing a tie. She cuts quite a figure in those close-fitting trousers, the full tail blazer hugging the bands of muscle in her arms. Her hair is pinned up in a neat bun, a little higher than normal. Just as she’s shoving her feet into black wingtips, she hears a soft rap on the door. 

Nothing could have prepared her for the sight that greets her behind the door. 

There’s Lena, dressed to kill as expected, in a maroon off-shoulder evening gown with a sinful split up her left leg, leaving the lily white flesh seductively exposed. Her makeup is mostly neutral, lips painted crimson, dark hair cascading in waves down her back. 

“Rao, you’re so beautiful, Lena,” Kara murmurs, eyes glued to the perfect vision in front of her. 

Lena smiles brightly. “Thanks. You look quite handsome yourself, darling.” Kara preens at the compliment. If she wasn’t preoccupied by Lena’s stunning figure, she might have noticed the way Lena’s gaze hovered over the bugle of muscle in her arms and legs as a heat grew low in her belly. 

“Thanks Lena.” 

“Shall we?” 

“Sure.” Kara offers her arm when she steps out into the hallway and locks her door. Frank opens the door of a Rolls Royce once they emerge from Kara’s building. The conversation on the way is light, mostly Lena excitedly talking about how much she’s looking forward to the evening. Kara nods and smiles, still entrapped by Lena’s boundless beauty and goodness and everything that makes Kara brim with love for this woman. 

When the car rolls to a stop outside the venue, Kara exits before Frank shifts the gear into park and is opening Lena’s door in the next breath, offering a hand. Cameras flash wildly the moment Lena steps out, reporters and crazed paparazzi screaming out _Miss Luthor_ and many questions about the strapping blonde placing a protective hand to the small of Lena’s back as they saunter inside. 

It’s always a thrill to see _Philanthropist Lena_ at her best, able to make small talk with even the most vile of creatures without breaking character. Kara sticks to Lena like a shadow throughout the night as they whisper back and forth between Lena’s rounds with her guests. Kara feels a sense of pride as Lena effortlessly converses in Japanese to one of the attendees and her wife. Is there anything this woman can’t do? 

It’s not lost on Kara how much attention Lena is attracting—by virtue of being rich, brilliant and beautiful, eyes are always glued to Lena—but for once it doesn’t bother Kara because this time, Lena’s fingers are entwined with _hers_. Lena’s leaning against _her_. Lena’s smiles—the ones that reach her eyes with a twinkle—are only for _her_. 

“Here.” Lena pulls Kara over to a buffet table once they’re blessed with a free moment. “I know you must be hungry.” 

Kara waves off the embarrassingly accurate statement. Lena knows her so well. “I’m fine—oh Rao! Are those potstickers?!” 

Lena laughs, leaning into Kara. “I special ordered just for you.” 

“Potstickers aren’t fancy gala food.”

“Well I’m the boss, I can do what I want,” Lena whispers, licking her lips a little. “I have a few more guests demanding my presence so take your time and come find me when you’re done.” 

“Okay,” Kara nods around the mountain of potstickers she’s already shovelled into her mouth. Lena shakes her head at the adorable way Kara’s cheeks puff out like a chipmunk before she sashays over to another group. 

When Kara reaches over to try one of the fancier food options, she looks up to find a familiar face. “William.”

“Hello Danvers,” he says stiffly, appraising her bespoke tux with a derisive snort. Andrea must’ve assigned him to cover the gala. “I see that you’re here with Lena.” 

“Yes, I’m here with _Miss Luthor_ ,” Kara says, emphasizing the correction. 

William cocks his head to one side, lips pressed into a thin smile. “Journalistic integrity be damned then.”

“Excuse me?”

William takes an unwise step forward. “I’m just saying, given the nature of your relationship with Lena, it’s crazy to me how you still get L-Corp assignments. Seems like a conflict of interest.” 

“Andrea doesn’t have a problem with it so why do you?” 

“You blew me off, Kara,” he says crossly, stepping into her personal space to size her up. “The minute you and Lena become friends again you ghost me. And now you’re _here_ , as her _date_ , so I’m asking. What’s going on between you two?” 

Anger flares up like molten lava but Kara manages to push most of it down. “It’s none of your business,” she grits out, stuffing her hands in her pocket to keep the many breakable objects around her safe.

“Why are you so against defining the nature of your relationship with her?” William challenges with a smug smile, as if he’s backed Kara into an inescapable corner. “I mean, I think I’m owed an explanation here.”

“I’m not doing this with you.” She moves to brush past him but he grabs her by the arm roughly. Or it would be roughly if Kara was human. She looks down at the offending hand gripped around her tense bicep, struggling to contain the power building behind her eyes. She doesn’t want to cause any drama that will ruin this night for Lena. 

“You better take your hand off of me, William before you lose it,” she says darkly, azure eyes burning into him with their intensity. “And it’s _Miss Luthor_ to _you_.” He removes his hand, stumbling back when Kara’s rock hard shoulder collides with his as she walks away. She scans the room for Lena and immediately calms down at the sight her flitting across the ballroom with another donor. Kara approaches her with a broad smile and forgets about William skulking around for the rest of the night. 

“Would you like to dance?” Kara asks once they arrive at the portion of the night where the ballroom is cleared and couples line up for the dance. 

Lena raises an eyebrow, tilting her head in surprise. “I—Do…do you know how to waltz?” 

Kara nods. “I…I might have asked J’onn to teach me after the first gala you invited me to.”

“So why didn’t you ever ask me?”

Kara shrugs. “Nerves I guess and then you started dating James. And then—.” She cuts herself off from bringing up the forbidden chapter. “Well, I guess I’m feeling brave tonight.” She offers a hand. Lena takes it immediately and allows Kara to lead them to the middle of the ballroom. 

Lena rests her left hand on Kara’s left shoulder, the other clasped in Kara’s right hand while Kara’s left hand settles against Lena’s left shoulder blade. They move around gracefully, perfectly in sync with the rhythm and ¾ timing of the music, eyes never dropping from each other, failing to notice that everyone else is also intently watching. 

And as Kara loses herself in the forest of Lena’s eyes, she feels it, that _wa-pow_ moment Winn had told her about years ago, hitting her hard in the chest. Kara’s exhale is shaky, a twinge between her ribs that isn’t the result of guilt over the pain she’s caused.

Her best friend, her perfect partner at game nights, her source of strength and inspiration, her place to be completely free—to be Kara Zor-El. 

It’s Lena, it’s always been Lena. 

As these frightening yet liberating thoughts of Lena swirl around in Kara’s mind, she hardly notices when song slows to an end. With a small smile, she expertly slows their pace, gliding them to a stop. Lena’s still looking at her, eyes widened in wonder and something more, breaking away when applause erupts from the crowd gathered on the outskirts of the ballroom. They step away from each other, cheeks in fierce competition to see who can burn the brightest. 

Lena surreptitiously takes Kara’s hand and guides them to mingle with a few more waiting guests. She never lets go. 

At the end of the night, once Lena’s officially free of her hostess duties, Kara sweeps her off her tired feet as though she weighed nothing and jogs down the entrance towards the Royce. Frank opens the door, allowing them to pile in before he closes it and quickly rounds the car to the driver’s seat. 

Lena leans into Kara, head turned so that her nose is nuzzling Kara’s neck in the most adorable way. Kara focuses on the sensation of that rather than the stomping of her heart against her ribs. 

The car jerks to stop outside Kara’s building about thirty minutes later. “I had a great time tonight,” Kara says to Lena as the brunette straightens in her seat. 

“So did I. These things are usually such a drag. I think this is the first time I’ve actually had fun.”

Kara beams. “Glad I could help with that.” 

“Goodnight, Kara.”

“Goodnight, Lena.” Kara opens the door and steps out, gaze fixed on Lena through the glass as Frank drives away. She speeds into her apartment, changes into her super suit and is out the window and flying above Lena’s car before they’ve reached the end of the block. 

Kara hovers just outside Lena’s balcony, ensuring that the brunette makes it up to her penthouse. Three minutes later, Kara hears the turning of Lena’s biometric lock and the kicking off of heels near the door. 

“Are you coming in or were you planning on floating out there all night?” Lena asks quietly, a smile in her voice. 

Kara lands immediately, pressing her thumb to the lock on the sliding door to enter (after Kara’s insistence that Lena keep her spare key, Lena added Kara’s thumbprint to her security system, citing the claim that she didn’t want Kara destroying her expensive French windows to get in for emergencies).

“How did you know I was out there?” Kara asks, eyes squinted. 

Lena shrugs, pouring a glass of water for both of them. “I have my ways. I know that despite the fact that Frank has been getting me home safely for the past five years, you always follow me.” 

“I—I didn’t know that you knew that.” She crosses the distance to Lena’s kitchen island and takes the offered glass. “I um…I also wanted to tell you something.” 

Lena’s spine stiffens instinctively, tension set from deep in her bones. “What is it?”

Kara’s eyes widen in panic once she recognizes the erection of Lena’s protective walls. “It’s nothing bad I swear. Just…just something I haven’t really said before.” 

Lena relaxes only a smidge. “Okay.” 

Kara rubs the back of her neck, mentally groping for words. “So, you remember that time when you came to my apartment because James told you I was sick?” 

“Yes….”

“Well that wasn’t really me. I was in a coma after my fight with Reign so J’onn had to fill in and—.”

“Oh my God I talked to _J’onn_ about kissing James Olsen,” Lena says, completely mortified. She slides onto a bar stool, pinching the bridge of nose. “Jesus Kara.” 

“I know, I know but—.”

“Wait hold on. How many times have I talked to J’onn thinking it was you?”

“Only that one time I swear!” 

Lena regards her for twenty agonizing seconds. “Okay. Is…is that what you wanted to tell me?”

“No there’s more.” Lena nods, motioning for Kara to continue. “Right so…I realized then that I could die one day, completely out of the blue. I’m—like I’m not afraid of death or anything, not after everything I’ve been through, not if my death means that the people I care about will be safe.” She places the glass on the island and lifts her powerful gaze to Lena’s expectant face. “But if I had died that day, the whole world would’ve mourned Supergirl. Only the people that matter to me—the people who know the truth—would’ve cared that Kara Danvers died too. Then I realized, you wouldn’t have known, not until after because I know how smart you are and you would’ve figured it out. But it would’ve too late by then. And you matter Lena, you matter so much to me. So I made a decision, I was going to tell you everything. You _deserved_ to know everything.” 

“So why didn’t you tell me?” Lena asks, a question that’s broken from her quivering lips before but this time, Kara has a different answer. 

“Morgan Edge poisoned you, your mom tried to kill him, Mon-El was back and then….” Kara sighs, head hanging with shame. “The kryptonite and all that stuff with Reign and the things I threw in your face about being a Luthor when all you were trying to do was help Sam. You were so _mad_ at me—at Supergirl and you were right to be. But then you’d still look at _me_ —at Kara—the same way you always have. I just—I didn’t wanna risk the rejection, I didn’t wanna have to watch you look at me with no love in your eyes. I…I didn’t want you to leave me, Lena.” 

Kara looks up with her head sloped downwards, relieved to see that Lena isn’t angry or hurt. Just hopeful, Lena’s eyes are filled with hope and love and understanding and everything Kara’s certain she doesn’t deserve to have. But she’ll take it, she’ll take whatever Lena’s willing to give. She rounds the corner of the marble slab between them and appears in front of Lena in the blink of an eye. 

“I…I want you to know now Lena, without a doubt, that you matter to me. More than anyone or anything.” Kara produces a suede box previously hidden from Lena’s view. She opens it carefully, showcasing a delicate bracelet with _El Mayarah_ centred on the band and Kryptonian symbols lining either side. “I made this for you with parts from my pod. Clark made something similar for Lois and since you said the watch didn’t go with your outfits, I figured maybe this would be better.” 

Lena lifts the bracelet out of the box, eyes widened in awe. “Oh Kara. It’s…it’s beautiful.” She sniffles, happy tears rimming her eyes. “You do know that I was only joking about the watch, right?”

“Yea,” Kara hums around a smile. “But…well everyone has a watch. I wanted you to have something different. Something more… _Lena_.” 

Lena laughs. “Well thank you, darling. I love it. Can you help me put it on?” She drops the bracelet into Kara’s waiting palm.

Kara beams, brighter than the full moon outside. “Sure.” She gingerly fastens the bracelet onto Lena’s pale wrist. It suddenly looks much more precious resting there. “You really love it?”

“It’s perfect,” Lena breathes, eyes shifting from the bracelet to Kara’s puppy eyes. Then she throws her arms around Kara’s neck, burrowing into the Kryptonian’s solace, stopping Kara’s heart with a chaste kiss at the corner of her mouth. “You matter to me too, Kara. You always have.” 

And there’s that _wa-pow_ feeling hammering hard against Kara’s indestructible bones, surging through her veins. It makes her feel powerful yet grounded, like she has a tether, a gravitational pull to the beautiful woman tucked into her arms as though there’s no better place to be. 

Kara wants to tell her, wants to utter those life-changing words, wants to show Lena all the ways she truly matters to Kara, wants give her all the reasons she’s ever needed to stay. 

“Do you want to stay?” The question vibrates across Kara’s neck. Lena’s lips are pressed against the pulse on her throat and for a brief moment, Kara’s sure she felt just the faintest touch of tongue. 

“Yes.” The answer is pulled from the recesses of Kara’s mind. She feels the curve of Lena’s mouth into a smile against her skin. Then Lena pulls away, hand cupping Kara’s to guide her blindly to the bedroom. Lena disappears in her bathroom to change into a tank top—no pants, just lace underwear that leaves little to the imagination—face scrubbed clean of makeup. Kara gulps before scurrying into the bathroom to ready herself for the night, putting on checkered boxers and her former NCU sweatshirt that smells of fabric softener and Lena. 

Lena’s already situated in the middle of her expansive bed, tangled in expensive sheets, a smouldering gaze raking across Kara’s sculpted legs. Kara scoots in beside her. They settle into position, Kara conforming to Lena’s body as the big spoon. 

“Is—is this okay?” she asks quietly in the dark only after placing a hand under Lena’s top for the addictive feel of her soft skin. 

“Yea,” Lena says through a gasp leaving her lungs. Kara’s hand travels downward, fiddling with the band of Lena’s panties. Lena sucks in a breath but doesn’t swat away the wandering hand. Kara can smell it, the musk of Lena’s arousal calling to her. But she resists, moving her hand to the much safer zone of Lena’s flat stomach, pressing a kiss to the back of Lena’s ear before drifting off to sleep.

Kara wakes in slight confusion, unsure if last night was a dream or not. Then she eyes the silk sheets gripped tightly in her hands and the bedroom that’s nearly half the size of her entire apartment and realizes with a sleepy smile that last night was no fantasy, that every atom of her being was sated by sleeping so close to the vision of beauty known as Lena. 

She shifts in the bed when she notices Lena’s absence but quickly picks up the sounds of her shuffling around in the kitchen, the faint music and aroma of breakfast foods pervading the air. She speeds into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash the sleepiness from her eyes before heading out.

Her heart nearly explodes when she appears at the kitchen archway. 

Lena is twirling around, mixing bowl with pancake batter in hand, dressed in one of Kara’s Oxford shirts—one she ‘borrowed’ after a coffee fiasco at CatCo sullied her ivory blouse—barefooted on the cool tiles. But it’s not the adorable sight of Lena dressed in her clothing, it’s not even the mountain of food Lena has already managed to prepare. 

It’s Lena, using a whisk as a microphone as she sings along to _It’s Gonna Be Me_ that has Kara at a loss for words. She doesn’t even attempt to find any, content to watch Lena sing on-key to JT’s opening verse. 

“Oh fuck. Jesus, Kara.” Lena startles when she turns on her heels and finally notices an amused Kryptonian leaning against the archway, perfectly at ease.

Kara laughs. “Sorry. I was enjoying that performance _way_ too much.”

Lena reaches for the remote to her sound system, turning the song down to a faint buzz. “Glad you find me so entertaining. Breakfast is almost done. There’s scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, fruits—don’t worry that’s for me—and I’ve just got to finish the pancakes. Banana chocolate chip is still your go-to right?”

Kara nods vigorously. “Yes.” 

“Okay great! Just give me like ten more minutes and we can eat.” Lena turns on a burner on the stovetop, placing a skillet over it. 

“I love you.” Lena halts, bowl mid-air just as a portion is about to be added to the waiting skillet. Kara doesn’t panic at the unplanned and unprepared utterance of those three magical words she’s never known how to say, not like this at least. It does still take her by surprise, the ease with which she says it, like it’s a fact that’s already known.

Kara stumbles forward, tripping over her own feet. “I-I love you,” she repeats, more firmly this time. Lena places the bowl on the counter, shielding her face with her shoulder. 

“I know, you just said it.”

Kara shakes her head, crossing the distance in quick strides once she realizes Lena doesn’t quite understand. “No I mean I’m _in_ love with you. Romantic styles.” Kara doesn’t wait for Lena to react as she starts pacing. “I…I think I’ve been in love with you for a while now, maybe always. I just—I didn’t know it until now. But I’ve always loved you, y’know? So, _so_ much, Lena. And I—well, I’m not good with the human ideas of love and what that’s supposed to be. Who we’re allowed to love, what the expectations are. It’s all confusing if I’m being honest. It wasn’t like that on Krypton. We had a matrix and a system that matches people together for optimal—,” Kara cuts herself off, shaking her head. “Sorry. My point is, love has never felt that way with you, like there’s these set of rules and expectations we have to meet. It’s like second nature, as natural as breathing. It’s given me so much clarity and strength and happiness and I honestly can’t believe it took me this long to realize that _you_ are the one, Lena. It’s always been you.”

Lena’s blush deepens and she turns away from the stove and neglected batter to look up at Kara, green eyes searching blue. And then she sighs, relieved. “I was wondering if you’d ever tell me.” 

Kara steps back, blinking rapidly. “I—wait you knew?”

Lena glances sideways with a coy smile. “I had a strong suspicion but last night confirmed it.”

“Last night?”

Lena pulls up her sleeve, revealing the bracelet. “You made this for me, casually mentioned that Clark made something similar for Lois. _And_.” Her finger traces over the engraved symbols. “Did you really think that I wouldn’t know what these mean?” She looks up at Kara, saying the Kryptonian words as best as she can with her lack of the necessary vocal cords. 

“ _I divi, i zhor, i zhao_ ,” Kara says firmly, pouring her soul into every word as she steps closer to Lena. 

“My light, my heart, my love,” Lena translates, voice watery with unbridled emotion.

Kara nods. “Why didn’t you say anything then?” 

“I know that secrets destroyed us in the past but I don’t want you to feel as though you have to share things with me before you’re ready to. I wanted you to be sure.” Lena smiles, tugging Kara forward with a firm grip to her sweatshirt. Her other hand rests on Kara’s cheek, sliding until her thumb is placed over the hinge of Kara’s jaw. The look in Lena’s eyes, one that’s always been there but Kara is only now seeing, steals the air from Kara’s lungs, causes a heat to rise at the back of her neck and chases away every doubt she’s ever had. Lena holds her there under the power of her gaze, lips parted wordlessly as she waits, suspended in the moment.

“And in case it wasn’t abundantly clear, I’m in love with you too. Helplessly, irrevocably in love with you, Kara Zor-El.” Kara’s quite certain she’s ascended once more, suddenly understanding that human phrase _died and gone to heaven_. Because this must be heaven, arms enclosing the woman that she loves so tightly in a moment that seems to stretch beyond the confines of time. It’s eternal. 

Lena tip-toes, tilting her head slightly to press a kiss to Kara’s lips, tongue sweeping across the bow of Kara’s upper lip seductively demanding access. Kara parts her lips obediently, welcoming Lena’s hot tongue into her mouth. It’s nothing like what Kara had imagined. Lena’s lips are soft of course, so _unbelievably soft_ , but their movements aren’t delicate. Lena surges forward, fingers tangled in honey blonde hair, hand grasping the nape of Kara’s neck as she deepens the kiss. Kara moans into it, aroused by Lena’s possessive hold, the hunger of her touch, the minty taste of _Crest_ stained on her tongue. Lena kisses Kara filthily, desperately, like kissing Kara is the reason why she was born on this planet.

Kara reciprocates quickly, slanting her mouth against Lena’s, curling her fingers on Lena’s hips, tight and firm, pulling her impossibly closer. She kisses Lena senseless, backing her up against the pantry, hands gliding up to a toned waistline, thumbs pressed into the base of Lena’s ribs hard enough to bruise. She kisses Lena with every emotion she’s ever felt, with every desire that’s ever flared up in her gut only to be suppressed. She kisses Lena like the world is about to end and this is her only chance. 

With much reluctance, Lena pulls away, gasping for air. Kara trails wet kisses down the sharp angle of Lena’s jaw, nipping at the tender skin of her neck, swirling her tongue over the spot to soothe the pain. Her lips find the freckle she’s been staring at for years and presses a soft kiss there. Lena pulls Kara even closer, pinning herself between the pantry doors and a warm body forged from steel. 

Kara’s hand knocks over the abandoned skillet. “Oops,” she says with a lopsided smile that makes Lena’s heart skip.

Lena laughs breathlessly. “I guess I should finish making those pancakes.”

Kara pouts. “But I wanna kiss you again.” 

“Darling, it’s only seven-thirty in the morning.” Lena quirks an eyebrow and levels a predatory gaze that makes the Girl of Steel weak in the knees. “It’s going to be a _very_ busy day.”


End file.
